


And who’ll watch over you when I’m gone

by chaoticdean



Series: SPN season 15 drabbles and codas [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x13 drabble, Alternate Scene, Angst and Feels, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M, spn 15x13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23331694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoticdean/pseuds/chaoticdean
Summary: “- Am I still an idiot?- Well, yeah.”A quick little drabble I wrote after watching SPN's 15x13.Title is from "Watch Over You" by Alter Bridge [x]
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, DeanCas, Destiel
Series: SPN season 15 drabbles and codas [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1609879
Comments: 6
Kudos: 92





	And who’ll watch over you when I’m gone

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my friends Sarah and Camille for proof-reading this for me! I hope you guys enjoy this coda :)

**_“- Am I still an idiot?_ **

**_\- Well, yeah.”_ **

Dean cracked a smile remembering the interaction as he got back into his room for a well-deserved sleep. Over the years of getting to know Cas inside out, he couldn’t help but notice how sassy he got. In fact, that was probably one of the traits he liked the most about him. But then again, Dean liked a lot of things about the angel.

Today had been all kinds of crazy, but coming back from (literal) Hell to catch Cas not-dead-but-almost on the library table was the cherry on the fucking top. The sheer feeling of possibly losing him made him shiver as he sat on his bed and started looking for his headphones in a drawer. The soft knock on the bedroom door had him flinch.

_“Yeah?”_

_“Hey. Can I come in?”,_ Castiel asked through the door.

 _“Since when d’you need to ask?”_ Dean smiled as his friend made his way through the room and awkwardly stood at the bottom of his bed. _“You’re allowed to sit, too.”_

They had been spending time together for as long as Dean could remember, but the get-together in their respective rooms after hunts were a new kind of thing they’d started doing for a few weeks. Sometimes they’d talk all night — Castiel was a literal powerhouse of knowledge, but when it came to stuff like pop culture and music he needed a little guidance — sometimes they’d just sit together and watch a movie, and sometimes they’d go about their own businesses while sharing the space. Dean liked having Cas around even when they weren’t talking, the sole fact of knowing he was there was enough for him.

Of course he was aware of his own feelings for the angel. They had been there for years, it’s not like it was news to him, and he’d started to understand that Cas might be sharing some of those. But after what happened between them a few months ago, and their falling out/making up in Purgatory, something had changed in their dynamic. He couldn’t put his finger on it quite yet, but things were different. There were a few time when they’d almost ‘slipped’ and ended up on the verge of sharing a kiss. Every time that happened, one of them would cut it out and it stayed here in the open while both of them made their best to act like none of it happened. Dean knew that it would have to burst at some point, he just didn’t know when and how. Quite frankly, he was too tired for that half of the time.

Castiel did as he was told, while Dean finished the extended search of his bedside table drawer, only to find out that his headphones where nowhere in sight. He huffed loudly in discontent, then proceeded to sit on his bed facing his friend.

_“You seem pissed.”_

_“I just wanted to listen to my music before going to bed, now it seems like my headphones vanished from this entire room”_ , Dean said. _“But that’s not why you’re here. Something on your mind?”_

_“I just wanted to apologize for.. you know."_

There was a beat. Castiel’s deep blue eyes fixed his, and it felt like his heart dropped to his feet.

_“Oh, you mean the whole “not-dead-but-almost” situation? Yeah, that was dumb as fuck, Cas.”_

_“I know, but I couldn’t stay here and do nothing while you were obviously running a fake lead. We couldn’t afford to lose more time, Dean.”_

_“You could’ve died.”_

_“I didn’t.”_

_“Cas, I don’t—"_

He caught himself mid-phrase. He couldn’t say this sort of things and expect Cas to understand what it felt like. The fear of loosing him. The way it hurt when the first thing he saw when coming through the rift was his head lying on the table. How scared he felt thinking he’d lost him all over again.

Dean couldn’t afford to get emotional, but most of all he couldn’t afford to get weak. Opening up about his feelings for Cas to Cas himself would do absolutely no good. But his deep blue eyes staring at him…

_“We can’t lose you. I can’t.. I can’t loose you again.”_

Shit.

_“Do you know what it feels like? Coming back to see your best friend dead?”_

_“I wasn’t…”_

_“Don’t give me that “i wasn’t really dead” crap. What if you couldn’t come back? What then? What of us?”_

_“What difference do I make?”_

_“Are you being serious right now?! YOU MAKE EVERYTHING DIFFERENT!”_ Dean burst out.

Cas’ face softened up as he smiled at his friend. He could see how tense Dean had gotten over their conversation. If he was good at anything when it came to the Winchesters, it was at reading Dean’s behavior like an open book.

_“I didn’t mean it like that.”_

_“Then what?! Don’t you see how important you are to us? To me? I can’t even function properly if you’re not here, Cas.”_

_“I seem to remember you were doing just fine without me a few weeks back”_ , Cas said calmly.

_“Don’t do this, man.”_

_“Seriously, Dean. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was 99% sure to come back.”_

_“What about the 1% left then?”_

_“Do you think about the 50% chance you have to die when you run into a fight? No you don’t. Cause it’s what gets you killed.”_

He made a good point. Dean shook his head and put his hands in his hair, which was his way to cope with triggering situations. Cas knew that. Which is why he decided to get up and come sit next to him.

_“I promise I won’t do it again. And I promise it wasn’t me being suicidal or reckless. I just — I needed to do this.”_

_“I get it. I just.. You’re such an idiot”_ , he sighted.

 _“I know, you told me that already”_ , Cas said with a smile.

He grabbed Dean’s hand in his, and put his other one below Dean’s chin to lift his head up. He could feel Dean grasping back at his hand, and his eyes fixated inside his.

_“Cas..”_

_“I love you.”_

There it was. Out in the open. Dean smiled back at him, unsure what to say or do. Castiel put his thumb on his lower lip, and kissed him tenderly.

It felt like there was no need to say anything more. It felt good. It felt pure. It felt like a bandage on Dean’s broken up soul and heart. It felt like Cas’ heart was on fire.

Dean pulled him closer and deepened the kiss, hanging to his hips like a castaway to a life raft. When they finally moved away from each other, he could see the fire inside Cas’ eyes.

 _“Hum, I’ll… I’ll leave you alone”_ the angel said while getting up in a hurry, uncertain he’d made the right move seeing as Dean hadn’t say anything except staring at him in a way he had never seen him do before. _“Your headphones are in your clothes drawer, by the way. You put it there the last time I was here because you thought Sam was stealing it from you from time to time.”_

On that note and before Dean could even make a move, Castiel was out of the room leaving the hunter in-between emotions.

Dean could still taste Castiel lips on his. Over the years of knowing him, he had never seen his ocean-blue eyes turn into fire like they did 2 minutes ago. He was already craving for the angel’s touch.

After a few minutes he finally decided to move to the clothes drawer that Cas indicated, and indeed found his headphones stacked under a pair of jeans. He sighed loudly, putting them on as he dropped on the bed, still in state of shock as Robert Plant started singing.

**_“If the sun refused to shine_ **

**_I would still be loving you_ **

**_When mountains crumble to the sea_ **

**_There will still be you and me.”_ **

Dammit.

**Author's Note:**

> Yell at me on [Tumblr](http://hittheroadjus.tumblr.com) and get some sweet first look and sneak peeks at chapters before it drops on my [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/HitTheRoadJus) (I occasionally ramble about SPN, music, fictional characters, and soccer, because I'm that kind of lame).


End file.
